The holidays are supposed to be a time of sharing and love. It’s the time of year we spend with with those we care about, and feel grateful for what we have. Having to manage everything that goes along with the festivities can be challenging and even stressful. If you have been diagnosed with cancer, or your loved one has, or worse, it’s the time of year that reminds you that a loved one passed on and you miss them terribly, then the holidays are not just challenging and stressful, but also filled with difficult emotions, feeling physically sick, dealing with appointments and wondering how you will make it through. This can equate to perhaps, some of the most stressful times you’ve had to handle. There are ways you can help yourself and your loved ones. It doesn’t have to be as challenging as it seems. There are options for people diagnosed with cancer, their caregivers and advice for those seeking peace in a difficult time.

First of all, do not pressure yourself. Don’t try to do everything and definitely don’t do everything that you do decide to you, by yourself.  Ask friends and family for help with things, shopping, event rides, wrapping etc. There are people in your life that want to help you. Many times your loved ones aren’t sure how to help but they really want to. This is a great opportunity to ask! It’s empowering for you to let others help you. A lot people are very strong and also headstrong. They don’t want to ask or “burden” people to help them. But chances are if you are one of those people, you’ve been giving away your time and energy your whole life and it’s time to let others give back to you! AND your loved ones WANT to help you and will most likely be ready, willing and able to be there for you.

Secondly, get plenty of rest. It’s tempting to over do it, and exhaust yourself to “get it all done” But you may need more rest than anything else right now. And if you rest and take care of yourself, you will be able to truly enjoy those activities that you are able to do.

For those of you who have a loved one undergoing cancer treatment, you may be wondering what type of gift you can get them. Well, of course, as mentioned above, offer to help them with anything they need, whether holiday related or just help with appointments or offering comfort and support. But if you want to get them a gift, selecting something may feel like a delicate matter.

It’s important to consider a person’s cancer treatment plan when selecting a gift for them, but also give something that lifts their sprints and motivates them to stay strong and full of hope.

A good way to approach the situation is to find alternatives to typical gift giving ideas. Instead getting lots of candy or goodies, perhaps a gift card for lunch or dinner or deliver a home-baked  dinner. Instead of tangible items, if the person is able, give an art or music class. Perhaps a cooking class for healthy eating. Time becomes even more important than ever when a person is diagnosed with a serious illness and enjoying their time is valuable and very uplifting.

Gifts that are getaways are also wonderful! My best friend has stage IV breast cancer and loves to get away, though she is not always able. When I give her getaway gifts, I let her physical condition and treatment plan decide when and where we go. I may give a gift card or homemade coupon for a night away and let her choose when she feels up to going. People undergoing cancer treatment usually stay home a lot and can get “stir crazy” or “cabin fever.” Many times the only place they go is to the doctor for treatment. It can be very motivating to get away from the same 4 walls that they’re used to seeing every day. Even a trip to a park to watch a sunset or a drive on the beach with the windows down can lift their spirits.

Other gift ideas are a journal for writing, it helps get their mixed emotions.  A massage gift certificate helps, they can be very sore and stressed.  Aromatherapy such as scented candles and body creams, especially lavender as it helps to relax. Movie tickets are great if they are able to go. Take them to a comedy or buy them comedy DVDs. Its important to laugh and forget about cancer for a while.

It’s important to choose how to spend your time. Spend it wisely, choose what you really want to do. And it’s ok if you are not happy all the time. You are facing a challenging time in your life and it’s not easy. When times get emotional, let it out and take good care of yourself. Good self care is about making yourself a priority.

For those of you who have had a loved one pass on, be compassionate with yourself. If you are sad, be sad. If you are exhausted, get extra rest. Do try to spend time with those who love and support you, but it’s completely ok to have your sad time.  Where ever you are in your emotions, just let it be ok. Laugh, cry, scream into a pillow, allow yourself to feel whatever you feel this holiday season. People say the wrong things and it may be upsetting. Others don’t want to see you suffer,  yet they often say the wrong things. They may tell you it’ll get better, or to “cheer up, its the holidays” but unfortunately grief has its share of suffering. The only way to move through grief and struggle is to meet it head on. We cannot get through something without actually going through it. Feel whatever comes up for you, but try not to live in sadness, allow yourself to move through it and look for ways to enjoy some moments of the holiday season.

One thing everyone learns when cancer strikes their family, is that time is precious. We have healing to do and we also have a life to experience. Look for moments of peace and share them with others. Many people are holding deep pain and sorrow. We don’t know every one’s heart. But I do know a smile, a kind deed, or a helping hand can really give someone comfort at any precious moment.

Happy Holidays from Mid Florida Cancer Centers!